Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Tennessee
Posted: Sun May 01, 2016 7:53 am
Good grief, this was the first visit of the main lap?
"Look," I declared to tnjed," I am not charging you a damn nickel except for the white painted timing scale. If I can't get your damn engine running, what was the value of this day to you? Oh, and by the way, for the past fourteen years, I have never NOT gotten a VW engine to run."
That is where were at about 2:00PM. We already had straightened out a minor wiring problem where fuses #1 and #2 (late model bus parking and side marker lights) were blowing due to a little confusion about the split terminals on the tail and side marker sockets. We had organized the wiring harnesses a bit, put the alternator output wire (B+) back on the starter solenoid post from its recent visit to the battery (+) terminal, and we had installed my recently painted timing scale with a bit too much time spent rustling up washers and bolts to hold the scale and fan guard on, and we had gotten the fuel pump wired up "suitably for now".
Getting the engine to start seemed easy enough. Right off the bat, however, it felt weird. The starter spun the engine over with little in the way of compression stroke loading. I figured the engine had not run in almost a year, so hey whatever. Checked that infernal EMPI carburetor for fuel, and at first it was pooling gasoline on the throttle plates. Tapped the fuel inlet with a ratchet handle and the flooding stopped. Cranked the engine. Absolutely dead. Checked for spark. It had a spark at the coil-to-distributor. Pulled the plugs, they looked dampish blackish, we put in some replacement plugs. Cranked the engine some more. Absolutely dead behavior. Cleaned the points. Cranked the engine. Absolutely dead. Removed a plug. Too new to tell if they were fuel wetted. Sparked right at the plug, though. Looked at the carb. No accelerator pump spray. Primed carb with capful of gasoline. Cranked engine. Absolutely dead. Disassembled carb. Ripped cover gasket. Wanted to cry. Cleaned float bowl. Filled float bowl with capfuls of fuel. Barely got any indication of fuel coming out of accelerator pump. Was ready to blame carb. But engine was so dead that I could not accept that it wouldn't even fire. Began to rain. Humidity effects? Aw come ON! Carefully reassembled carb. Gave customer the aforementioned "this is a free day" speech. Felt the five year-old's sob of indignation welling up, "but I want it to run!"
Got some starting ether from neighbor's porch. It was just sitting there, OK? Sprayed starting ether into carburetor. Cranked engine. Absolutely dead. This is ridiculous.
Pulled spark plug #1. Performed compression test. 20psi.
Pulled spark plug #2. Performed compression test. 30psi.
Battery expired. Pulled NaranjaWesty down for a jump start.
Tnjed utters the Volkswagen Spirit Infusion Prayer and holds Naranja's engine at a nice 2,000 rpm boost.
Pulled spark plug #3. Performed compression test. 60psi.
Pulled spark plug #4. Performed compression test. 80psi.
Well, this is interesting . . . how could an engine just sitting here for a year lose all compression? Just sitting here all year, you know. Just sitting here, right?
"Well, I did remove the engine to install a new clutch."
"That is not going to affect compression!"
"Okay."
"You would have to have some stuck valve from rusting high humidity, but all cylinders are low, not just one."
"We did remove the intake manifolds and upper tins to replace the cooling flaps. Michael had to make some new intake manifold gaskets."
"That is not going to affect compression!"
"Okay."
Oh but let's wait a second . . . the engine is spinning over like it has no compression.
"Do you think he forgot to cut out the intake gaskets?"
"I don't see how anyone could forget to put the big air intake holes in the intake gasket, but if he did forget, you bet you are you are back on the clock."
"Of course, it wouldn't be your fault, then."
Well Hell Yeah:
Here's the At Least It Is Not A Hosed Engine customer portrait. Engine ran pretty nicely, actually:
Relief was mixed with fear. I was relieved, but I was also made freshly aware that we can never make assumptions any more, not even fundamental basic assumptions. We have to verify every single step in the chain of events that make a running engine. This one almost had me.
Am on my way to West Virginia. Pulled off at a rest stop on Interstate 81 in the rain. I was mentally and physically exhausted. Just as I was falling off the sleep at 11:00PM, a car alarm started blasting up the row. It finally stopped, and I dozed off until the car alarm started blasting at 11:45PM. It finally stopped and I dozed off. It began to rain thunderously upon the fiberglass top and as the rain slackened, that damn car alarm came wafting back through the tapering rain. 1:00AM now. Fell asleep. Dreamt of a car alarm going off and trying to find the keys to shut it off. Woke up to that damn car alarm. 3:15 AM. I am white hot with fury. Clamor up to the driver's seat. Start the engine in my socks, engage reverse, did the quarter mile in reverse at an elapsed speed of 12 mph. Coming up in my driver's side rear view mirror, I could see a startled woman in the driver's seat of the offending vehicle and she had the look of "uh oh, a rest stop denizen is about to murder us". Slowed up and stopped 1/2" from the rear bumper of an obnoxious Honda Oddity ( obviously this car had read my unflattering review of its false styling here on the forum two days ago). Pulled forward into the parking space where a befuddled bespectacled bearded bonehead bobbed and babbled about broken sensors under the hood.
"YOU ARE IN A REST STOP WHERE YOUR FELLOW DRIVERS ARE TRYING TO GET BADLY NEEDED REST. GO UP THE INTERSTATE TO A GAS STATION OR SOMETHING . . . OR HEY, WHY NOT DISCONNECT THE BATTERY UNTIL MORNING ( *under my breath,"you idiot" )???
Drove off myself, onto the interstate, blearily furiously half awake (be nice to Naranja) up to the next exit. There is the fireworks mall, remembered from a couple of years ago, across from the closed Marathon station. Yeah, and there is the frontage road that I remembered too. And there is that gravel road up to a gravel lot for Werner truckers. Good, familiar surroundings in the beating rain. Scrambled up the gravel driveway. Parked in the gravel lot. Crawled back to my sleeping bag across the back seat. Let my energy die down. Listened to rain die down. Through the night, emanating from whence I came, a car alarm.
THAT car alarm. They had taken my advice and driven TO A GAS STATION OR SOMETHING.
Colin
"Look," I declared to tnjed," I am not charging you a damn nickel except for the white painted timing scale. If I can't get your damn engine running, what was the value of this day to you? Oh, and by the way, for the past fourteen years, I have never NOT gotten a VW engine to run."
That is where were at about 2:00PM. We already had straightened out a minor wiring problem where fuses #1 and #2 (late model bus parking and side marker lights) were blowing due to a little confusion about the split terminals on the tail and side marker sockets. We had organized the wiring harnesses a bit, put the alternator output wire (B+) back on the starter solenoid post from its recent visit to the battery (+) terminal, and we had installed my recently painted timing scale with a bit too much time spent rustling up washers and bolts to hold the scale and fan guard on, and we had gotten the fuel pump wired up "suitably for now".
Getting the engine to start seemed easy enough. Right off the bat, however, it felt weird. The starter spun the engine over with little in the way of compression stroke loading. I figured the engine had not run in almost a year, so hey whatever. Checked that infernal EMPI carburetor for fuel, and at first it was pooling gasoline on the throttle plates. Tapped the fuel inlet with a ratchet handle and the flooding stopped. Cranked the engine. Absolutely dead. Checked for spark. It had a spark at the coil-to-distributor. Pulled the plugs, they looked dampish blackish, we put in some replacement plugs. Cranked the engine some more. Absolutely dead behavior. Cleaned the points. Cranked the engine. Absolutely dead. Removed a plug. Too new to tell if they were fuel wetted. Sparked right at the plug, though. Looked at the carb. No accelerator pump spray. Primed carb with capful of gasoline. Cranked engine. Absolutely dead. Disassembled carb. Ripped cover gasket. Wanted to cry. Cleaned float bowl. Filled float bowl with capfuls of fuel. Barely got any indication of fuel coming out of accelerator pump. Was ready to blame carb. But engine was so dead that I could not accept that it wouldn't even fire. Began to rain. Humidity effects? Aw come ON! Carefully reassembled carb. Gave customer the aforementioned "this is a free day" speech. Felt the five year-old's sob of indignation welling up, "but I want it to run!"
Got some starting ether from neighbor's porch. It was just sitting there, OK? Sprayed starting ether into carburetor. Cranked engine. Absolutely dead. This is ridiculous.
Pulled spark plug #1. Performed compression test. 20psi.
Pulled spark plug #2. Performed compression test. 30psi.
Battery expired. Pulled NaranjaWesty down for a jump start.
Tnjed utters the Volkswagen Spirit Infusion Prayer and holds Naranja's engine at a nice 2,000 rpm boost.
Pulled spark plug #3. Performed compression test. 60psi.
Pulled spark plug #4. Performed compression test. 80psi.
Well, this is interesting . . . how could an engine just sitting here for a year lose all compression? Just sitting here all year, you know. Just sitting here, right?
"Well, I did remove the engine to install a new clutch."
"That is not going to affect compression!"
"Okay."
"You would have to have some stuck valve from rusting high humidity, but all cylinders are low, not just one."
"We did remove the intake manifolds and upper tins to replace the cooling flaps. Michael had to make some new intake manifold gaskets."
"That is not going to affect compression!"
"Okay."
Oh but let's wait a second . . . the engine is spinning over like it has no compression.
"Do you think he forgot to cut out the intake gaskets?"
"I don't see how anyone could forget to put the big air intake holes in the intake gasket, but if he did forget, you bet you are you are back on the clock."
"Of course, it wouldn't be your fault, then."
Well Hell Yeah:
Here's the At Least It Is Not A Hosed Engine customer portrait. Engine ran pretty nicely, actually:
Relief was mixed with fear. I was relieved, but I was also made freshly aware that we can never make assumptions any more, not even fundamental basic assumptions. We have to verify every single step in the chain of events that make a running engine. This one almost had me.
Am on my way to West Virginia. Pulled off at a rest stop on Interstate 81 in the rain. I was mentally and physically exhausted. Just as I was falling off the sleep at 11:00PM, a car alarm started blasting up the row. It finally stopped, and I dozed off until the car alarm started blasting at 11:45PM. It finally stopped and I dozed off. It began to rain thunderously upon the fiberglass top and as the rain slackened, that damn car alarm came wafting back through the tapering rain. 1:00AM now. Fell asleep. Dreamt of a car alarm going off and trying to find the keys to shut it off. Woke up to that damn car alarm. 3:15 AM. I am white hot with fury. Clamor up to the driver's seat. Start the engine in my socks, engage reverse, did the quarter mile in reverse at an elapsed speed of 12 mph. Coming up in my driver's side rear view mirror, I could see a startled woman in the driver's seat of the offending vehicle and she had the look of "uh oh, a rest stop denizen is about to murder us". Slowed up and stopped 1/2" from the rear bumper of an obnoxious Honda Oddity ( obviously this car had read my unflattering review of its false styling here on the forum two days ago). Pulled forward into the parking space where a befuddled bespectacled bearded bonehead bobbed and babbled about broken sensors under the hood.
"YOU ARE IN A REST STOP WHERE YOUR FELLOW DRIVERS ARE TRYING TO GET BADLY NEEDED REST. GO UP THE INTERSTATE TO A GAS STATION OR SOMETHING . . . OR HEY, WHY NOT DISCONNECT THE BATTERY UNTIL MORNING ( *under my breath,"you idiot" )???
Drove off myself, onto the interstate, blearily furiously half awake (be nice to Naranja) up to the next exit. There is the fireworks mall, remembered from a couple of years ago, across from the closed Marathon station. Yeah, and there is the frontage road that I remembered too. And there is that gravel road up to a gravel lot for Werner truckers. Good, familiar surroundings in the beating rain. Scrambled up the gravel driveway. Parked in the gravel lot. Crawled back to my sleeping bag across the back seat. Let my energy die down. Listened to rain die down. Through the night, emanating from whence I came, a car alarm.
THAT car alarm. They had taken my advice and driven TO A GAS STATION OR SOMETHING.
Colin
A total move that I would pull, aka A Jim Jones Move. Glad it worked out.