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Who's knocking at 8:00?

Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:22 pm
by pj
Who's knocking at 8:00, I yell to my wife a week ago Friday. I'm thinking to myself too late for the Mormons,Mennonites and the Jehovah's Witnesses, and it ain't Girl Scout cookie time, who can it be? Thankfully we have installed a peep hole to check out who's there, before we open the door to wandering salespeople, home invaders, et al. Lo and behold my wife yells back, it's the car crusader, standing at the door in all his wife beater attire glory.

We welcome him in, in which case he and my wife head to the garage, so he can inspect, I assume for the SPCV (society to prevent cruelty to Volkswagens) just how well I am treating my German and Mexican darlings. I on the other hand am dealing with Southwest airlines who has just charged me for 11 flights too many and $5000.00 too much for 2 round trip tickets costing $400.00.

30 minutes later I report to the garage, to take my beating, and I learn that my exhaust pipe is all wrong, (even though he put it on last year). My wife informs me that something is not right with the wipers, and that the head liner is not up to snuff, and of course the 009 distributor is an insult to all that is good and holy.

After that mini pummeling, he turns his attention to my little Mexican darling, The Thing. He asks what my complaint is, I tell him the old girl is running a bit rich, an as just has lost her pep. So in that tone, which comes from that superior knowledge he possesses, came the question. "What do you think is wrong"? "Damn man, I don't know; otherwise I would have fixed it, and we would have set out back on the lanai and talked old times". None the less, he suggested I look at the tiny little screw on the carb, and start turning it counter clockwise, till it sounded better. "Yes Sir, three bags full" I respond, and in no time that problem is fixed. At this point a test ride is needed to ascertain my other malady. We take off in the dark on our ride, and the first thing not to work was one of the high beams. Great, what's next? Well we stop to have a picture taken by one of my fellow citizen's of the car and we are off again. It is then we, okay he decides the passenger rear wheel is not fulfilling its end of the bargain, and we go home.

I jack the car, he spins the tire, and he decides that it is locked up tighter than Charles Manson. Of course now it is 9:30 or so and I have been up since 3:00 AM, he condescendingly asks if I am up to it? Jerk. So we dig in, and find the cheaply made wheel cylinder has frozen, and he decides to fix it. We whip out my Harbor Freight 12 volt impact gun and in no time remove the huge honking nut on the axle,and as most of you have guessed already, the middle aged, but still virile car crusader does driveway surgery on the aforementioned cheap a** part and saves the day. My wife swoons, the neighbors who have gathered heckle me about my prowess around the back of the car, and the car crusader, notches his belt.

Of course it ain't over till we take another drive. Colin jumps in, runs through the gears in the neighborhood like Jimmy Johnson at Daytona. I then remind him about small towns and cops, at which time he gives the wheel to me and I drive my little senorita back home at the pace of a blue haired Granny.

Visit over, time to watch some taped Olympics, and call it an evening. Saturday morning,we offer our place as a staging facility for his visit in the Willamette Valley he politely declines, and he and us are off. The last we see is he, four jars of our strawberry and peach jam tootling down Highway 503 off to Portland, then on to Big Sky country.

Safe travels, friend and we hope to see you next year.

Re: Who's knocking at 8:00?

Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:46 pm
by RSorak 71Westy
Colin driving like Jimmy johnson!?! When we went on a test drive with him driving I asked him why he was driving like an old lady and he replied that he was letting it warm up....

Re: Who's knocking at 8:00?

Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 7:31 pm
by Kubelwagen
...and when he drove my beloved he proceeded to take off down a busy 4 lane road ****BACKWARDS**** and then slam on the brakes!! :compress: :bounce: :salute:

Re: Who's knocking at 8:00?

Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 9:14 pm
by ruckman101
You must have that set-up that self adjusts for pad or shoe wear when you hit the brakes from reverse. Fancy.

And pj, ya got a good three solid unsolicited guffaws out of me, out loud and everything. Thanks for that.


Re: Who's knocking at 8:00?

Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:35 am
by Amskeptic
I look at these threads and I thinks to myself, I thinks, "this wife-beater guy seems a tad crazy. Backwards down a four lane highway and locks 'em up? Jimmy Johnson in a bass boat blue sparkle Thing?"

I ask all of my elderly customers if they are up for it.
Colin :blackeye:
(Whc03grady and fam and I all say "thanks for the great strawberry preserves!")