Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

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Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by Amskeptic » Wed Mar 30, 2011 9:52 am

. . . aka What I Did During My Winter Vacation

I spent an entire winter from November 20th to March 18th or so as a drifter. This was unexpected and slightly horrifying and driven by inner forces that were quite resolute. As I left Lanval's house in Irvine, I was due back east for Thanksgiving but my spirit decided to stop in Yuma Arizona before I even understood it. What is going on?
Image

The quick verbal "answer" is that I am suffering from "anti-social anti-sociability disorder". But that isn't it either. The metaphorical answer is that I am wriggling and extricating myself from a tight wool strait-jacket masquerading as a spiffy knit sweater. Can you visualize it? Sticky irritating uncomfortable? Yes? You know how I gravitate towards half naked in the sunshine? I gave myself permission to follow this fight to the end to see what was at the end. I experienced unfettered Free Time in the desert over the past three months just glorying in the stillness and the great beauty of Creation and managed to silence the background noise of my mind to discover that I have been tripping down the stairs all of these years, pushed long ago when I was too young and unsteady and unready. I tripped past my one and only childhood, tripped past people I dearly wanted to love more fully, tripped past the great vitality and reflexes of young adulthood, slid through an incomplete education and tumbled down through my 30's and 40's in some blur of imbalanced effort to right myself and do right by others.

At the Point of Silence otherwise known as The Heap At The Bottom Of The Stairs, I discovered that I had to communicate with some people that I love them . . . my way. Ya know what? It is myway or the highway. It is a relief to learn that we all have this inalienable right to love others exactly how we love them. It is exactly perfect in all of its irritating imperfection to love others our own way. You cannot escape, I cannot escape, how you love others. Foolish it is to tell others how to love. More foolish still for others to tell you how to love. Most foolish is to fake it. I learned this winter some painful truths about love. One is, true love does not care if they love you back. That is liberating if painful.

You are on Your Path when, out in the middle of the winter desert at 11:00AM with no shoes on in your fifty-second year with not a clue, you just know that there ain't nobody's shoes you'd want to step in. Nobody's.
Colin
BobD - 1978 Bus . . . . . . . . . . . 111,155 miles
Chloe - 1970 bus . . . . . . . . . . . 206,820 miles
Naranja - 1977 Westfalia . . . . . 101,475 miles
Pluck - 1973 Squareback . . . . . . 55,570 miles
Alexus - 1991 Lexus LS400 . . . 78,885 miles

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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by hambone » Fri Apr 01, 2011 10:10 am

It feels damn good to throw off the shackles of Expectation, and say NO. Life is too short to stay always caged. You (YOU) are doing what you need to - and have gained that courage long ago. Seeing YOUR life is what got me off my FAT ass and into true motivation. Ya slacker. Get a job and some hair to cut! Damn hippie.
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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by ruckman101 » Sat Apr 02, 2011 11:34 pm

"I learned this winter some painful truths about love. One is, true love does not care if they love you back."

Bullshit. Get off your white horse and hang up the armor. You are no knight. Just one more befuddled person knocked about in the flotsam of life's experiences. Are you still a school boy? Unrequited crush? It's about building an honest trust with another. All cards on the table. Same table? Things can be very good.

Slap, slap, slappety slap and wake up.
Wallowing in self pity is unbecoming. Have to love self before you're able to love another. Or at least open the door to the possibility.

Forgive the drunken sermon, slather slobber blather.


Be kind to yourself Colin. Love can only coincide. It can't be wrought into form.




neal
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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by Amskeptic » Sun Apr 03, 2011 8:59 am

ruckman101 wrote:"I learned this winter some painful truths about love. One is, true love does not care if they love you back."

Bullshit. Get off your white horse and hang up the armor. You are no knight. Just one more befuddled person knocked about in the flotsam of life's experiences.
The fearlessness to declare your love to those who might not get it, Neal, is not wallowing in self-pity or sitting on a white horse. That it is painful, is a truth that I am not about to back away from. Where you see self-pity is where you self pity.

"You are on Your Path when, out in the middle of the winter desert at 11:00AM with no shoes on in your fifty-second year with not a clue, you just know that there ain't nobody's shoes you'd want to step in. Nobody's."

Not even yours, Neal, I have never had to ask of someone to "Forgive the drunken sermon." I might have to ask of people here if they are getting damn good and bored with these itinerant musings. Then I would decide to not to waste your time or my time. Life is too short to waste time. I do not waste my time wasted, for example.

Self Pity?
Colin
BobD - 1978 Bus . . . . . . . . . . . 111,155 miles
Chloe - 1970 bus . . . . . . . . . . . 206,820 miles
Naranja - 1977 Westfalia . . . . . 101,475 miles
Pluck - 1973 Squareback . . . . . . 55,570 miles
Alexus - 1991 Lexus LS400 . . . 78,885 miles

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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by satchmo » Sun Apr 03, 2011 10:24 am

Amskeptic wrote:
ruckman101 wrote:"I learned this winter some painful truths about love. One is, true love does not care if they love you back."

Bullshit. Get off your white horse and hang up the armor. You are no knight. Just one more befuddled person knocked about in the flotsam of life's experiences.
The fearlessness to declare your love to those who might not get it, Neal, is not wallowing in self-pity or sitting on a white horse. That it is painful, is a truth that I am not about to back away from. Where you see self-pity is where you self pity.

"You are on Your Path when, out in the middle of the winter desert at 11:00AM with no shoes on in your fifty-second year with not a clue, you just know that there ain't nobody's shoes you'd want to step in. Nobody's."

Not even yours, Neal, I have never had to ask of someone to "Forgive the drunken sermon." I might have to ask of people here if they are getting damn good and bored with these itinerant musings. Then I would decide to not to waste your time or my time. Life is too short to waste time. I do not waste my time wasted, for example.

Self Pity?
Colin
Oh, goody. Another conversation racing to the abyss of "I'm more pious/self-aware/self-conscious/introspective/enlightened (pick one) than you are." And with the finishing punch below the belt for good measure, no less. I do get damn good and bored with those.

On the other hand, I really like reading of everyone's experiences. But the lessons they learn from their experiences apply to them, not necessarily to me. I get to decide if it applies to me, or how universal their discovered truth really is.

So the quote above about "You are on Your Path" comes off a little preachy to me, like reading a self-help book. I don't come here for that. I'd rather read what folks have to say when they write about "I am on My Path." I want to hear about members' experiences, along with their resulting beliefs, insights and lessons. Then I draw my own conclusions.

I grew out of reading books that ended with, "And the moral of the story is...." a long time ago.

Tim
By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
second, by immitation, which is easiest;
and third, by experience, which is bitterest. -Confucius

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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by glasseye » Sun Apr 03, 2011 2:21 pm

Colin is better with the written word than I am, so I'll have to revert to my skills as a photographer for my reply. The following image was made at Dante's View in Death Valley National Park a few days ago on the occasion of my 65th birthday.

Image


No Photoshopping whatsoever, other than re-sizing for the forum. ISO 3200 and 30 seconds at F4.
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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by dingo » Sun Apr 03, 2011 3:52 pm

thats an awesome photo..i really dig it.
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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by Amskeptic » Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:47 pm

satchmo wrote:
Amskeptic wrote: "You are on Your Path when, out in the middle of the winter desert at 11:00AM with no shoes on in your fifty-second year with not a clue, you just know that there ain't nobody's shoes you'd want to step in. Nobody's."
the quote above about "You are on Your Path" comes off a little preachy to me, like reading a self-help book. I don't come here for that
Clearly, I am missing something here. The only You I was referring to was the 52 year-old me out in the desert with not a clue. I thought it was too specific to my own circumstance at the time I wrote it for anyone to take it as a sermon. Did you see a "prescription" for others?
satchmo wrote: Oh, goody. Another conversation racing to the abyss of "I'm more pious/self-aware/self-conscious/introspective/enlightened (pick one) than you are." And with the finishing punch below the belt for good measure, no less. I do get damn good and bored with those.
Below the belt is to read a friend attacking my personal musings as bullshit self-pity. The Itinerary forums are where people are invited to see what I do to make a living. If someone wants to dress me down for grotesque self-absorption or egotistical moralizing, ya think they could maybe shoot me a nice PM instead of a below the belt punch right where I need to generate business to survive in this precarious economy?
satchmo wrote: I'd rather read what folks have to say when they write about "I am on My Path."

"I sensed with hopefulness that I might actually be on my Path when, out in the middle of the winter desert at 11:00AM with no shoes on in my fifty-second year with not a clue, I just knew that there wasn't anybody's shoes I'd rather be in."
That is essentially what I wrote. I had no idea that it was being interpreted as any suggestion whatsoever for anyone else.
satchmo wrote: I grew out of reading books that ended with, "And the moral of the story is...." a long time ago.
Tim
Tell me what "the" moral was. My personal conclusion was that I needed to tell some people that I loved them. What on Earth is preachy about that? It was a personal statement. You know where it came from. With your response here, I am embarrassed to my core. Totally fucking embarrassed, in retreat, confused, and angry.
Colin
(Peter, that gorgeous photograph says it all for me)
BobD - 1978 Bus . . . . . . . . . . . 111,155 miles
Chloe - 1970 bus . . . . . . . . . . . 206,820 miles
Naranja - 1977 Westfalia . . . . . 101,475 miles
Pluck - 1973 Squareback . . . . . . 55,570 miles
Alexus - 1991 Lexus LS400 . . . 78,885 miles

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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by hambone » Sun Apr 03, 2011 6:57 pm

Gorgeous, Glasseye. Ape on the Curve.

Preachy? Man I got a burlap sack fulla nickels and I ain't got nuthin better to do than come here, toss around my TIMELESS NUGGETS, my ETERNAL GEMS of CHAOS and ASTROLOGY. "You will wed a two headed woman" says the cookie.
"But if one is beheaded, THEN where are we headed?"
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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by satchmo » Sun Apr 03, 2011 7:55 pm

Amskeptic wrote:
"I sensed with hopefulness that I might actually be on my Path when, out in the middle of the winter desert at 11:00AM with no shoes on in my fifty-second year with not a clue, I just knew that there wasn't anybody's shoes I'd rather be in."

That is essentially what I wrote. I had no idea that it was being interpreted as any suggestion whatsoever for anyone else.


(Peter, that gorgeous photograph says it all for me)
I like that phrasing much better. And Peter's photograph I like even better. It does say everything that needs to be said.

I did interpret Colin's initial posting as prescriptive in nature. There were too many 'You' pronouns for me to interpret it otherwise. I'm too sensitive, perhaps, and read too much into what others write. I'm probably not alone in that.


Tim
By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
second, by immitation, which is easiest;
and third, by experience, which is bitterest. -Confucius

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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by airkooledchris » Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:35 am

glasseye wrote:Image

that should be a movie poster for the X-files or something. amazing shot and had ou not already said, id say it was shopped heavily, it's too perfect.

30 seconds? how did the figure in the image manage to hold so still for so long? :flower:
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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by Amskeptic » Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:17 am

airkooledchris wrote: 30 seconds? how did the figure in the image manage to hold so still for so long? :flower:
Is that you, glasseye?
How long past sundown was that shot taken?
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BobD - 1978 Bus . . . . . . . . . . . 111,155 miles
Chloe - 1970 bus . . . . . . . . . . . 206,820 miles
Naranja - 1977 Westfalia . . . . . 101,475 miles
Pluck - 1973 Squareback . . . . . . 55,570 miles
Alexus - 1991 Lexus LS400 . . . 78,885 miles

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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by Elwood » Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:32 am

Or could it be "Dawn" ? I love the way his sleeves are rolled up as if to say " Im ready for anything"

30 seconds seems a short time to me, considering the spectacle. We could use more of your talent around these parts Peter, THANK YOU xoxox

Barb/Elwood
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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by jimbear » Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:42 pm

Amskeptic wrote: I gave myself permission to follow this fight to the end to see what was at the end. [...] just glorying in the stillness and the great beauty of Creation and managed to silence the background noise of my mind to discover that I have been tripping down the stairs all of these years, pushed long ago when I was too young and unsteady and unready. I tripped past my one and only childhood, tripped past people I dearly wanted to love more fully, tripped past the great vitality and reflexes of young adulthood, slid through an incomplete education and tumbled down through my 30's and 40's in some blur of imbalanced effort to right myself and do right by others.

At the Point of Silence otherwise known as The Heap At The Bottom Of The Stairs, I discovered that I had to communicate with some people that I love them . . . my way. Ya know what? It is myway or the highway. It is a relief to learn that we all have this inalienable right to love others exactly how we love them. It is exactly perfect in all of its irritating imperfection to love others our own way. You cannot escape, I cannot escape, how you love others. Foolish it is to tell others how to love. More foolish still for others to tell you how to love. Most foolish is to fake it. I learned this winter some painful truths about love. One is, true love does not care if they love you back. That is liberating if painful.

You are on Your Path when [...] you just know that there ain't nobody's shoes you'd want to step in. Nobody's.
Thanks for sharing these personal musings Colin. I edited the passage just to highlight what sticks out to me and with your permission I am going to put this into my collection of 'thoughts' I collect to inspire my own writing.
Amskeptic wrote: and tumbled down through my 30's and 40's in some blur of imbalanced effort to right myself and do right by others.
This stands out to me. We have recently uprooted the family and basically started over in a place where we know not a soul. Rhode Island is a foreign country! At 40 I am only into my 8th year of teaching and I am now teaching in an academic setting that is totally different from where I was previously. I am realizing just how much I took for granted--my colleagues and my former teaching venue that was far more forgiving and liberal in GA than what I am experiencing here in RI. I blinked and never realized who I was as an educator or where I was. Now, I am in the jungle and fighting for my life! I am fighting a broken local education system that is part of a fractured state system and am I part of a splintered faculty in a community that is rife with poverty, unemployment, broken homes, high drop out rates, and a history of violence and multiple abuses. :shaking2:

I am also realizing that 30 went by like a damn blink. My oldest daughter is almost 12 and my other is 8. Professionally I pissed away my 20's--although I am richer in my heart and soul for the experience, in my early 30's I mangled my graduate school experience and as a new teacher I did not take the leadership role that I should have and did not pay attention to what I was doing for the first 5 years.

So, at 40 I am looking down (up?) the tunnel and readjusting. I am trying to look at life as somewhat of a chess match...looking ahead, considering my moves, and anticipating the moves of fate. However, I am also trying to not get caught up in a box, not my style. How to find a balance with ease and natural flow as my future is considered...

And as time, geography, and drama have started to put distance between my friends and family (those I love) and myself I am also finding myself working towards understanding that "it is exactly perfect in all of its irritating imperfection to love others our own way"--friends, family members, and self.

Thanks again for sharing Colin, I needed to read that...
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Re: Itinerant Air-Cooled Greetings From Atlanta . . .

Post by Amskeptic » Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:28 pm

jimbear wrote:I am also finding myself working towards understanding that "it is exactly perfect in all of its irritating imperfection to love others our own way"--friends, family members, and self.

Thanks again for sharing Colin, I needed to read that...
Well thank you, jimbear, I needed to read that too.

Colin
BobD - 1978 Bus . . . . . . . . . . . 111,155 miles
Chloe - 1970 bus . . . . . . . . . . . 206,820 miles
Naranja - 1977 Westfalia . . . . . 101,475 miles
Pluck - 1973 Squareback . . . . . . 55,570 miles
Alexus - 1991 Lexus LS400 . . . 78,885 miles

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