Today's Jon Carroll column

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It's a pity that more of you don't live in the Bay Area. Not only would you be able to read the prose of the fine writer Jon Carroll in the otherwise excreble San Francisco Chronicle, but I would have someone to borrow a torque wrench from now and then. Anyway, here is today's column:


Election jitters

Jon Carroll

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

First, I want to stress that I am not at all nervous about the election. The sun will come up in the east no matter which candidates win, and no matter which propositions pass, and there will still be music and root vegetables and the glint of sunshine on the water. Politics is not everything - unless you live in a country that gets invaded by another much larger country that bombs your house and forces you into a refugee camp. Then politics matters.

But who is more powerful than us? No one! Well, OK, China, and probably Russia, and technically the European Union. But still, it's just an election. And I'd rather you didn't talk about it right now.

No, wait, tell me everything. What have you heard? But don't tell me that Obama's really far ahead, because that would be conventional wisdom and conventional wisdom is often wrong and there would be talk of the McCain Miracle. Oh God no.

But don't tell me Obama's behind, either. Sometimes polls are wrong, but mostly they are not wrong, and if he's behind, then probably he's going to lose, and then I would have to move to Canada and hide in my daughter's basement in Montreal. Because I could not take four more years of Republicans. Could not. William Kristol alone would drive me crazy. Next Wednesday, I want to see William Kristol rolling on the floor in agony.

Metaphorically, of course. I wish no ill to any man - except George Bush. Him, I wish ill to. Ill ill ill, George Bush!

And don't tell me the election is close! I hate close. What if it's so close it's decided in Florida again? Or Ohio, where they have these machines that eat Democratic votes? I'll be up at 3 in the morning worrying about Nevada. I don't want to worry about Nevada.

Vote stealing! I don't want to hear about that. Time was, you could always count on the Democrats to steal enough votes for most eventualities. But now the Republicans have gotten the hang of it, and they probably have secret maps that indicate that if they can manipulate the vote in just five precincts, then the reign of error and terror can continue. Am I being paranoid? Of course I'm being paranoid. Anyone remember a little Supreme Court case called Bush vs. Gore?

And I don't want to hear about any October Surprise. It's getting very late for an October Surprise, but you never know. My enemies have tricks up their sleeves. They could, I dunno, suspend the election on national security grounds. They could create an international incident that requires a military man to manage it. Bomb bomb Iran - McCain has already prepared for that possibility. Now, I think most Americans would be appalled if we bombed Iran, but what do I know? Does America ever think the way I think? It does not.

Don't tell me that polls indicate that America thinks the way I think, that it is heartbroken by the waste and stupidity of the war in Iraq, that it blames the Republicans for messing up the environment and making everyone hate us. America never thinks the way I think. I have my finger on the pulse of, I dunno, three women in Mill Valley. So you'll make me nervous if you talk like that.

So don't mention it. Pretend it's not happening. I don't care about Sarah Palin's clothes. I don't care about Sarah Palin at all. I never want to read another word about her. Did she hurt the ticket? Did she help the ticket? What about white women over 40? How will they vote? What if it rains? Is there a danger of overconfidence? I told you not to talk to me about this.

Can an African American person really be president of the United States? All my life, I've been sure that the answer to that question was "no," which is why I don't want to talk about it. If the polls say "yes, yes" and my experience says "no, no," my head will begin to revolve.

I want it to be next Wednesday. I want Obama to win, and I want to start getting fretful about something else. Imagine what mischief George Bush is going to attempt between now and Jan. 20. He's gonna pre-pardon everybody for everything. He's going to kill endangered species with his bare hands. He's going to deforest entire states. Now, that's gonna be terrible, but there will be a date certain, as they say, when he has to go back to Texas and do - well, pretty much nothing, is my guess. Jimmy Carter he ain't.

Then I'll start complaining about the rightward drift of the Obama administration. That'll be fun.

No, really, I'm fine. Can we talk about the weather? How about them Phillies? Do you have a decent recipe for gingerbread? Anything but ... you know.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f ... 13P1IU.DTL

[Velokid1]

That was really good- thanks!

And yes- the glint of sunshine on the water. That's the kind of thing that catches the attention of my 18 week old son. He doesn't seem to give a sodden diaper about politics.

[Ritter]

Thanks for sharing that.

It's a pity that more of you don't live in the Bay Area. Not only would you be able to read the prose of the fine writer Jon Carroll in the otherwise excreble San Francisco Chronicle, but I would have someone to borrow a torque wrench from now and then.

If you find yourself in Sonoma County, you're welcome to borrow my torque wrench.

[DjEep]

Jon Carroll is awesome, I should read his column more often than I do.

[JLT]

Thanks for sharing that.

Likewise. Jon's a fine writer.

If you find yourself in Sonoma County, you're welcome to borrow my torque wrench.

And if you're in Sacramento, you can use mine.

[Velokid1]

Sears sells torque wrenches for like $18.

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Sexual healing

Jon Carroll

Thursday, November 13, 2008

From the New York Times comes a story about the sad situation at Normandy High School in St. Louis. On Oct. 13, a letter went out from the superintendent of the Normandy School District, Stanton Lawrence, to the parents or guardians of Normandy's 1,300 students, grades nine to 12, that the county health department had reason to believe that the HIV virus might have been transmitted "among some Normandy Senior High School students."

"We weren't trying to create hysteria and panic," said Lawrence. "We didn't want to initiate an environment of fear." What he ended up doing, of course, was to create hysteria and panic, thereby initiating an environment of fear.

He could, of course, have confidentially notified the student or students involved, asked about sexual partners and done a little epidemiological flow chart based on the data received. That's kind of the way it's usually done. "We didn't have a playbook," he said. Well, yeah, but I bet he knew where to get one.

HIV is not like the bubonic plague. People do not fall in the streets frothing. Obviously, with 50 possible cases, there was some urgency, but a mass mailing to 1,300 kids' parents seems like overkill.

OK, well, damage done. Students crying in the halls. People refusing to attend school. Officials at a rival high school asked if it was safe to play a football game. Well, you know, depends on what they plan to do in those goal-line pileups. No biting, lads.

But there's more. The Times quoted Jamar McKinney, 17, a senior at Normandy: "I don't trust nobody until I see the results. Nobody wants to walk around and say they've got HIV because of how they'll be treated. Everybody's going to think they're just a walking disease."

Anyone see a teaching opportunity here? Maybe Lawrence would like to talk about prejudice against people with disease, and how that hurts so many people and destroys compassion and tolerance. Perhaps he might include a brief history lesson about the time when HIV was "the gay plague," and homophobia was added to misinformation and superstition. Why, there's even a mainstream movie on the topic: "Philadelphia."

Continued Jamar: "I'm not going to just hop into a relationship. I'm gonna talk it out first with the person, and see what they sound like. And if it sounds good, ask if there's any way I can see the results."

Yeah, well, there's another thing you can do after you've decided there's a mutual attraction: You can practice safe sex. In this entire story, the word "condom" was not mentioned once. Numerous studies have shown that adolescent males have disdain for condom use, apparently more so in black communities, where some people believe that HIV-AIDS is part of a government conspiracy. That's all the more reason to preach about condoms, explain why condoms work, even pass out condoms.

It may be that Patient Zero at Normandy contracted HIV from intravenous drug use - the health department wouldn't say, although it did rule out tattoos - but I sense that Jamar is not talking about drug buddies; he's talking about sex partners. Why can't we discuss sex freely? We all do it, or consider doing it - it's like breathing, except less frequent.

How much more damage can our maidenly modesty about sexual activity do? It infects all areas of our social discourse. For instance, the fear of gays and lesbians is a fear of sexual difference - they do It differently. I know that the various People of the Book cite apposite, or apparently apposite, quotations, but one can't help but notice that there's a lot of Holy Book cherry-picking going on. Stoning your wife to death for adultery? Not on the agenda.

Support for the passage of Proposition 8 was in large part funded by the Roman Catholic and Mormon churches, who want their list of sins to become everyone's list of sins. They want their morality to become public policy. I believe in tolerance for all religions, but they apparently don't believe in tolerance for me. Is this the best use of their money? Aren't there, like, people going hungry or needing succor?

And I think the Prop. 8 story and the Normandy High story have roots in the same places: fear and hatred. If the HIV virus had appeared on the scene in some other way, as a disease cropping up among promiscuous heterosexual Iowa farmers, for instance, the entire story would have been written another way. And because it's that gay HIV and not that darned straight syphilis, the administrators at Normandy panicked. And because of the puritanical streak that runs through all of American society, frank talk about sex was put off. And schoolchildren may die, and apparently that's an acceptable risk.

Remember when there used to be guys dressed like condoms walking around handing out free samples? Those were the days. I want those days back. It made public education so much easier.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... 142K7J.DTL

[zblair]

I can't remember now where I saw or read about that already (news story maybe?), but there was a video where some of the students of the school were interviewed. Teen girls in tears because apparently now they are all being thought of as "HIV carriers" rather than teen girls. Boys now being refused already set up prom dates because the parents involved themselves and blew this way the hell out of proportion. Even if correct information is provided, how many parents or kids "will believe" what they are told about transmission? Not enough I am afraid.

Safe sex is a valid conversation that should happen, and I believe the schools are a good place to start, especially in a health class. I remember when I was in Jr. High School (1970) and sex education was being introduced for the first time in the curriculum. My parents had to sign a release form allowing my participation in the class. My parents asked me what I wanted to do and I told them I wanted to attend and they were actually fine with that. I can only guess that it took a little pressure off of them for having "that conversation." I know nowadays that girls jr high school age are getting pg so something definitely needs to be discussed more and early on.

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The disease of stuff

Jon Carroll

Friday, November 14, 2008

Now everyone is worried about consumer confidence, which has an index all its own. Consumers are not buying enough, it is said, which is hurting retailers and wholesalers and manufacturers and everyone all up and down the chain. The message is not quite as explicit as it used to be, when the Bush administration said that it was our patriotic duty to go shopping, but still the implication is there: Have confidence, consumers! Buy something!

Isn't that how we got into this mess in the first place?

People wanted things that they could not afford, so they bought those things on credit. The credit was not a magic amulet; it did not suddenly give people who couldn't afford things a bottomless golden pot of cash. No, it just added another layer of debt, the interest on the money owed, and paying interest is buying money, except you don't get to keep the money you've bought.

No problem; get more credit. Oh, and start playing the lottery. It sounds like a joke, but it's what passes for financial planning with a lot of people.

And a lot of times, the things that people buy are not things that they need. Indeed, the entire distinction between "want" and "need" seems to have been blurred. That's what advertising is for. If you believe advertising, then suddenly you think you need something you don't need. Or, in the words of so many advertisements, you "deserve" it. It's an entitlement, except not really, because you have to pay for it with money you don't have.

Besides, what have you done to "deserve" that vacation in Vegas, that flat-screen TV, that six-passenger SUV? Did you have a hard week? Were you nice to your mom? Is that your excuse? Perhaps it's time to remember that it's a hard, cold world out there, that merchants do not in general have your best interests at heart and that not even villains always get what they deserve.

I have been in the suburbs, where a lot of the homes are "underwater," as the new buzzword has it. I mean, those are some big houses. Not attractive, necessarily, but large. And who needs a home like that? Seriously. How many damn rooms do you need? Isn't it possible to eat dinner in the same room as breakfast? Do you need a living room and a family room and an office? Could you do with just one deck?

Does every child really need his or her own room? I know that sounds harsh, but many kids grew up sharing a room, and it did not scar them for life. There are many homes in America where everyone lives and eats and sleeps in one room. Somewhere between that and your leveraged McMansion is where happiness lies.

It's supposed to be part of the American dream. I thought the American dream was constitutional government. Let's work to get that back before coveting those Kegerators.

Look, I want a flat-screen TV; I really do. HD, plasma, whatever the hell it's called. A picture so clear you can see Heidi Klum's pores. But, you know, I still have a mortgage and groceries and probably I'm going to Montreal to see my new granddaughter, although three cheers for the strong American dollar making things cheaper in Canada. So no TV. I did get a blender, though.

And there's Christmas. I'm sorry to go all John McCain on your rear ends, but, Lord, have you ever seen so much worthless crap in your life? There's a sort of post-present-opening lethargy, equal parts calories, sloth and shame, that happens at the end of the present-opening spree. People are giving each other gifts to express love. How dopey is that? You want to express your love for me? Do my laundry. Invite me to a movie. Discuss the 49ers. Play the flute, assuming you play the flute.

And the stuff for kids, especially. We all know how much of that stuff actually gets played with enough to justify its cost. And we all know that even if the kid likes it, the kid will not miss it if he never gets it. You want to express your love? Go to parent-teacher conferences. Have a weekend outing. Just be happy at the end of the day - how's that?

We are in a malaise of materialism. I don't believe the way out is more materialism. The way out is to stop relying on stuff to make us happy. Buy less, America. Get out of debt that way. Lower your stress levels. Capitalism will adjust; that's what it's good at. You know how a pizza and a deck of cards can brighten an evening? Try that.

OK, it's a rant, but it's a righteous rant, I do believe. Get off the merry-go-round. Question the assumptions.

Go stare at a fern. Something.

[Sylvester]

You know how a pizza and a deck of cards can brighten an evening? Try that.

That is what I have been supporting! I like this guy, he makes sense.

And the stuff for kids, especially. We all know how much of that stuff actually gets played with enough to justify its cost. And we all know that even if the kid likes it, the kid will not miss it if he never gets it. You want to express your love? Go to parent-teacher conferences. Have a weekend outing. Just be happy at the end of the day - how's that?

I like this too, and have thought about it in the attitude of gift giving. How about if you gave just one gift to those you would normally give a gift to. Just one, with a lot of thought behind it. And it is meant to be kept for a lifetime, and carry on it's meaning?

[Cindy]

You know how a pizza and a deck of cards can brighten an evening? Try that.

That is what I have been supporting! I like this guy, he makes sense.

And the stuff for kids, especially. We all know how much of that stuff actually gets played with enough to justify its cost. And we all know that even if the kid likes it, the kid will not miss it if he never gets it. You want to express your love? Go to parent-teacher conferences. Have a weekend outing. Just be happy at the end of the day - how's that?

I like this too, and have thought about it in the attitude of gift giving. How about if you gave just one gift to those you would normally give a gift to. Just one, with a lot of thought behind it. And it is meant to be kept for a lifetime, and carry on it's meaning?

one year, when ruth was little, we decided not to give gifts to each other. instead, each person in the family got to choose something we would all join him or her in doing. my mom wanted to see the neighborhood "light shows." so we all got into a couple of cars and drove around admiring the displays. i wanted everyone to help me decorate my christmas tree, so we had a little party for that. ruth wanted to ride the carousel at the mall, so we all rode the carousel--which was a hoot. my daughter, my parents , my sisters and their various boyfriends--on the merry-go-round. it was the most memorable christmas to date. and just think of all the money we saved.


cindy

[RussellK]

I don't know who Jon Carrol is and don't really care but he has the Normandy High School story wrong. The superintendent handled the HIV situation in his high school appropriately. The number of kids reported to him by the health department was a disproportianate number for the size of the school. There were somewhere in the neighborhood of 70, an alarming number for that size school. The Superintendent made the suggestion that if the students were having sex they be tested and immediately made confidential testing available. It would have been inappropriate and perhaps even illegal for him to have reached out to the individual students as suggested by Carrol and there is a question whether the health department would have even given him that information. Basically he was told there was a statistical spike occurring in his high school and to be aware of that. So there he is in a damned if he does and damned if he doesn't situation and wisely made the decision to act proactively. And contrary to Carrol's assertion there isn't a handbook on how to handle this. So we here we end up in a teaching moment. What better lesson for kids who by nature think it won't happen to them than to say yes it can and it has to 70 of your peers. Sorry if that hurts someone's sensitivity.

[Cindy]

I don't know who Jon Carrol is and don't really care but he has the Normandy High School story wrong. The superintendent handled the HIV situation in his high school appropriately. The number of kids reported to him by the health department was a disproportianate number for the size of the school. There were somewhere in the neighborhood of 70, an alarming number for that size school. The Superintendent made the suggestion that if the students were having sex they be tested and immediately made confidential testing available. It would have been inappropriate and perhaps even illegal for him to have reached out to the individual students as suggested by Carrol and there is a question whether the health department would have even given him that information. Basically he was told there was a statistical spike occurring in his high school and to be aware of that. So there he is in a damned if he does and damned if he doesn't situation and wisely made the decision to act proactively. And contrary to Carrol's assertion there isn't a handbook on how to handle this. So we here we end up in a teaching moment. What better lesson for kids who by nature think it won't happen to them than to say yes it can and it has to 70 of your peers. Sorry if that hurts someone's sensitivity.

the only criticism might be about the letter going home. if that is what happened. schools tend to think that this kind of "administrative notice" is all-appropriate, instead of coming up with more sensitive means of communication. ruth, as a six-year-old, brought home a notice about a sex offender who had moved into our neighborhood. this was a half-sheet of paper, capital letters, no envelope--tucked into her take-home folder alongside the homework. she read the notice before i had the chance to see it and she had all sorts of nervous questions. when i suggested to the school that they should have been more discreet, they said the "memo" was considered the most efficient way of getting the message out and there was some kind of panic involved because they had just been notified that day. the remark about "overkill" in the article above reminded me of this.

cindy

[RussellK]

There really isn't a good way of communicating with parents. Cant rely on the call chain God knows how that would end. Can't rely on mail the rumor mill would be in full throttle before the first letter is delivered. Same thing with calling special meetings. We used to have robo calls from the high school and they were usually deleted before we got home from work. The memo seem to be the most efficient way. I don't know the contents of the superintendents letter but I bet he had to be really careful with wording. The thing I find really interesting was this Superintendent is getting heat for his honesty. Basically he said a lot of our kids are having sex some of them are getting sick from it. More will if we don't do something about it. I found his honesty refreshing.

[Cindy]

There really isn't a good way of communicating with parents. Cant rely on the call chain God knows how that would end. Can't rely on mail the rumor mill would be in full throttle before the first letter is delivered. Same thing with calling special meetings. We used to have robo calls from the high school and they were usually deleted before we got home from work. The memo seem to be the most efficient way. I don't know the contents of the superintendents letter but I bet he had to be really careful with wording. The thing I find really interesting was this Superintendent is getting heat for his honesty. Basically he said a lot of our kids are having sex some of them are getting sick from it. More will if we don't do something about it. I found his honesty refreshing.

an envelope would have solved the problem in our case. i didnt mind having it come home in a folder, but i didnt think it should be wide open like that.

cindy